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i feel so sleepy...all i want is to go to bed and catch some sleep.so to somehow uplift my spirit and to help me stay awake, thought of posting a new entry for my blog..thank goodness, they haven't blocked this site yet.damn those people who copied the proxy server we're using..damn those people who begged me to install the proxy browser on their desktop and vowed not to share that "knowledge" to anyone but shared it to others anyway. tried searching for the said browser on our shared folder and found out that lots of people are already using it..damn my officemate who said that we're going to the "lung center" together but took his break ahead of me..someone ought to realize how he sucks for being such a kiss-ass..and someone ought to know how she sucks for being conceited and for craving for so much attention, is she autistic?just curious..don't really understand how i'm feeling right now--somehow i feel comfortable that the bastard is not here (absent again), but somehow i'm missing him....am i being unfair? breaking-up with him then getting mad because he agreed to break-up with me..should stop reading romantic novels---stop thinking about ladies being wooed by their lovers, you know---the chasing game..
..well,let me see...here's a list of reasons why i should hate him:
...he didn't tell me this words: I LOVE YOU ( he told me he's wondering why he fell inlove with me though, but still, that's different..)
...he seemed to hesitate whenever i request that we go to work together or go home together..
...it was his idea that we keep our relationship a secret ( but he gets mad at me every time someone asks me if he's courting me and i tell that person: "no he's not.")
...AFTER making out with him, it's only then that i noticed my dirty navel (what could be worst than that..it's quite irrelevant though.)
...after our agreement, that we be special friends (with special benefits of course,harhar!), it seemed like he has changed, like---he responds to my texts late, he always has excuses when i ask him that we take our breaks together ( he's still on the phone, he just logged-in, blah,blah, blah...) or am i just too demanding?
...he wasn't the first person to greet me on my birthday
...he didn't give me anything for my birthday (the unforgivable sin)
..he told someone he's gift would be a quality time with me..but i think i was the one who really exerted the effort so we could spend some "quality" time together. but at least he should've given me something..anything, like he could've stolen flowers from the flower shop, or made a mushy letter for me..but he didn't do anything..(sigh..)
i can't really fathom him. maybe that's the reason why i can't get over him..
..well,let me see...here's a list of reasons why i should hate him:
...he didn't tell me this words: I LOVE YOU ( he told me he's wondering why he fell inlove with me though, but still, that's different..)
...he seemed to hesitate whenever i request that we go to work together or go home together..
...it was his idea that we keep our relationship a secret ( but he gets mad at me every time someone asks me if he's courting me and i tell that person: "no he's not.")
...AFTER making out with him, it's only then that i noticed my dirty navel (what could be worst than that..it's quite irrelevant though.)
...after our agreement, that we be special friends (with special benefits of course,harhar!), it seemed like he has changed, like---he responds to my texts late, he always has excuses when i ask him that we take our breaks together ( he's still on the phone, he just logged-in, blah,blah, blah...) or am i just too demanding?
...he wasn't the first person to greet me on my birthday
...he didn't give me anything for my birthday (the unforgivable sin)
..he told someone he's gift would be a quality time with me..but i think i was the one who really exerted the effort so we could spend some "quality" time together. but at least he should've given me something..anything, like he could've stolen flowers from the flower shop, or made a mushy letter for me..but he didn't do anything..(sigh..)
i can't really fathom him. maybe that's the reason why i can't get over him..
thought before that my life won't be boring if i have unlimited access to the internet--was wrong. used to go to internet shops before just to use the internet--but now, I could surf the Net whenever I want to.i could log-in to friendster and update my blog anytime,yet i still get bored..most of the time--all i do is just stare blankly on the monitor.i have one of the most boring job on earth..well, at least i'm earning good money here..i could buy lots of clothes now..am planning to get a SONY MP4 with digicam probably on Feb.but still not satisfied....got a lot of bad calls today..someone even hanged up on me because she said she can't understand what i was saying, but she told me thatafter hearing how much she'll be charged for the repair--fuck that bitch..i should never ever let other people make me feel that they're superior to me..
these past few days, i've been feeling so bored. i get so bored doing the things that i used to enjoy doing--watching jdorama, reading novels, playing RPG, browsing through magazines, surfing the net, hanging out with friends (see?even spending time with friends bores me..) even sketching (my passion!) seems to be losing its charms on me. everything around me seems to make no sense. i am feeling a certain numbness and coldness in me. i don't seem to care about anything anymore.. i don't even get nervous on taking exams or presenting a report in fornt of the class. i don't even give a damn whether i wake up the next day or not (seriously..)
nothing seems to satisfy me. it's as if there's a hollow space inside of me. never felt this empty before. others might refer to it as depression. i'll simply call it--boredom.. getting bored trying to explain myself to everyone.. so bored trying to prove my worth. i am so tired of hoping for people to see pass through me and actually see me. so bored trying to prove my existence or worrying about what other people might think about me.
just bored.. bored with life i guess..
pain is inevitable as long as you are identified with your mind..